I am

I am frozen.
I am stuck.
I cannot move properly.
I feel no pleasure on doing what I used to like and I was passionate about (kinda).
I stand in front of work projects and I cannot start them.
I stand in front of a job change and I cannot endure the perspective of changing.
I look at others happiness and achievements and that makes me feel anguished and contempt about myself.
I look at other people real-life sufferings and I despise myself for my miserable me.
I cannot breath properly.
It feels like something is stuck in my neck.
And I have a huge burden over my chest.

start over

after a long time of no posts, I start over.

because this is not here and this is not me.

because my thoughts about inner me need to be put into words. because this is one of the few things that I can still do.
because I need to have something to hang on to. another something to try to have feelings about.

what will come will not be pretty. but then again, I am not.